sadness

All posts tagged sadness

Tinier-than-Teensy Update

Published January 22, 2014 by sophiachandler

Tinier-than-Teensy Update

I can’t believe it.

16 full days to go before MY BIRTHDAY~ WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I’m currently trying to make Japanese flashcards.

And I’m confused. About a lot of stuff. And sad. Mostly guility. Kind of anger. Somewhat understanding.

How do you apologize to someone whom you called a ‘worthless piece of shit’?

I don’t think you know who I am in real life.

sorry anyways.

~Sophia

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Update-Post-Thing

Published December 5, 2013 by sophiachandler

Sorry for neglecting the blog guys…. it’s just that I’ve been busy lately with all sorts of activities, like outings with friends and the like. But now I finally have access to the Internet… and this time round, my post will feature a number of different topics!

1. Fairytales for Wilde Girls by Allyse Near
I’ve finishing reading this book only yesterday evening, and I have to say that it is brillianto. Kudos to Allyse Near, the twenty-four-year-old university student who wrote this ‘bubblegum gothic’ dark fantasy which I love immensely! It’s so magical and dark… when you start reading it you’ll never stop until you finish the book. I especially loved Isola, the sixteen-year-old main character who had blonde hair with rainbow streaks. And in the end there’s a lovely plot twist involving Isola’s sickly mother who is suffering from a mental illness… but I won’t be giving away any spoilers! 😉

2. Ingrid
I wrote this just yesterday, after finishing the book above:

Ingrid.

Katherine wanted to be an Ingrid.

Names created images in Katherine’s mind. Mostly color images. Bruno was ochre. Natalie was cyan. Malcolm was a brown, very much like the color made when rain fell into the already-wet soil in Katherine’s backyard and turned it into mud.

Ingrid was a beautiful, deep green. It was the color of sparkling emeralds, of dew that shone on fresh spring leaves,

Katherine was grey.

She couldn’t think of a far less plain-Jane, boring name other than Katherine. Katherine was the very epitome of a bad name choice. Even being called Jane was so much better than being called a dreary, longish name like Katherine. She held this grudge against her late father, dead before she was born. Lesley said he’d picked out this name for her to honor his mother, who too had passed away long before she had been conceived. Other than that, she didn’t hold any other grudges against him.

Yeah… I know. But I just wanted to share it for the sake of doing it.

3. Rejection
My Skype status:
How do you let go?

It’s not what I’m feeling, actually. Let me admit something…. someone recently confessed to me, and because he told some other people, now everyone in our grade knows about it. Well, not everyone, but anyone who is anyone to me knows about it. The result? On a group chat online, everyone’s spamming it with ship names…. ._.

I didn’t want to reject him, because he was a pretty nice guy, and one of my best guy friends, but I kinda had no choice, because I wanted to stop all the madness in the group chat and protect myself too… okay maybe that kinda sounds selfish, but it’s true. I didn’t want either of us to get hurt if it got out of hand.

So I friendzoned him.

I’m changing his name to Jason here. This is how our conversation went:

Me: Jason… to be truthful, I don’t see you as a crush… but I hope we can still be friends. 🙂
Him: Mmhmm.

And then his status turned to something horrendous: Rejection is painful.

UGGGGGGGGGH I don’t know if what I did was wrong…..

4. In Which She Sounds Like A Stereotypical MTV Teenager
MTV Teenager is my term for girls with fake blonde hair, false eyelashes and a faux way of speaking that uses terms like, “Like, OMG, totally, LOL…” Sorry but I am SICK of those people popping up on my Facebook news feed.

And now I’m going to sound like one of them, because I have a ginormous zit on my left cheek and it’s taking forever to disappear! If you guys have any solutions to help it go away…. I’d be very much grateful. And yes I have been using up a lot of pimple cream which smells awful… I don’t know who was the one who said that puberty was the door to a whole new magical world or something, because I am soooo enjoying the ride on the puberty train. *sarcasm* (I’m not very good at it.)

And thus marks the end of this short post!

~Sophia

P.S. Oh the falling snow the falling snow~ I might change my background to something a little more Christmas-themed!

This Feeling Called… Loneliness?

Published November 20, 2013 by sophiachandler

I don’t know what to call this feeling I have.

I imagine that we are all on a tiny landmass out at sea, my friends and whoever’s talking to them in the Facebook chat and me. And I know this seems silly, but I imagine that I’m standing at the very edge of the island, watching them have fun and laugh and goof around and I’m just being me, unsure, shy, awkward, waiting for someone to come along and talk to me.

I try to immerse myself amongst the crowd, but my efforts bounce off them and they’re shaking me off, brushing me, a single speck on their clean shirts, off their shoulders. And I imagine that I’m pushed to the very edge, and the part which I’m standing on is breaking away from the mainland and I’m crying out to rejoin the group, but they’re not listening. I try one last time, in desperation, to grab the shoulder of a friend, but she glances at me with her cool grey eyes and shrugs nonchalantly, shaking me off, running back into the group to rejoin her friends.

I imagine it’s all a dream, but it’s not.

~Sophia

Sentiments

Published November 15, 2013 by sophiachandler

My first post will be a sentimental one…. 🙂 hope you guys don’t mind! But of course I shall also be introducing myself!

Bonjour! I’m Sophia, teenage blogger, writer, name nerd (nope I’m not shy to admit it), chocoholic and bookworm! A warning: this post might be slightly long…. really I’m not sure but I’ll guess it’ll be long since I have a lot to write about.

Okay! Now the introduction part’s over and done with. I am not a believer of devoting an entire first post to the introduction of a blogger. You can find my About page here if you’d like my info… that is, when I remember to update it!

Today I begin writing my first ever post which I have pondered over for a full week. I am not even kidding you. Today also happens to be our graduation day… the day we shed our skins of the young and naive and take a full step forward to developing ourselves as mature, older people! To be frank, the graduation ceremony was downright boring. They had so many people come speak at our ceremony that it wasn’t even fun or new or exciting at knowing that we were going to take a big leap forward, albeit not knowing what lay ahead of us in the future. The ceremony was four hours long. Four hours worth of supposedly “inspirational” speeches about how we shall chase our dreams and develop our talents to put to good use and work hard and how we’ll miss our alma mater and missing our friends and missing our teachers and appreciation to our parents and all that crap. The girl beside me was actually sleeping during the speech of the valedictorian.

But hours after the ceremony, I’m finally feeling the sadness set in.

We’re all going to different high schools after this. We might not see each other again until the end of time… well, we might end up in the same college or something, but what is the chance of that happening? I might even forget their names! Some I won’t miss. Some I will… like my closest friends. Some I haven’t really gotten the chance to bond with, because when I first started school I was this shy kid (well, I still am!) and I mostly mixed with the friends that I had known before starting the grade. I did make some other friends in school too, and before graduation I started hanging out with acquaintances that I had known previously but hadn’t really forged a close friendship with. Some others I couldn’t even talk to at all.

Thanks to Facebook, I can communicate with my friends even after leaving school 🙂 A few of my close friends planned an ice skating event and invited most of our friends. Fifty-five of us came today, and it was so fun just being a kid and not having to think about the results we shall be getting shortly next week. After seven sessions and I still suck at ice skating! I fell on my butt twice in a row today. Someone who was in the category “haven’t really bonded with” helped me up… I’d never thought of that person to be this gentle before. I guess the pre-grad period really changed my opinion about people and stuff a lot.

After tomorrow, the holidays shall begin! Today during the ice skating event, one of my close friends commented, “This is the last day for us to be kids… tomorrow we shall be highschoolers!” But the holidays are one long stretch of time where you don’t know if you’re still a kid or a teenager. It’s kind of in between, that period where you have to mature and give yourself pep talks and all that. I’m looking forward to the holidays!

Speaking of which, one of my close friends, CCJ (that’s what she calls herself ._.) who is, like me, a HUGE fan of Simple Plan! She and I were talking about Summer Paradise, a Simple Plan song. She and I agree that it is how we feel about graduation and school ending.

There is a particular verse in the song that I really like:

“But someday
I will find my way back
To where your name
Is written in the sand”

I don’t know, it seems kind of melancholic to me, and wistful at the same time. I’d want to do a one shot on this… maybe I will soon.

Sorry that wasn’t much of an introduction… and wow what a really long post.

~Sophia