I don’t know what to call this feeling I have.
I imagine that we are all on a tiny landmass out at sea, my friends and whoever’s talking to them in the Facebook chat and me. And I know this seems silly, but I imagine that I’m standing at the very edge of the island, watching them have fun and laugh and goof around and I’m just being me, unsure, shy, awkward, waiting for someone to come along and talk to me.
I try to immerse myself amongst the crowd, but my efforts bounce off them and they’re shaking me off, brushing me, a single speck on their clean shirts, off their shoulders. And I imagine that I’m pushed to the very edge, and the part which I’m standing on is breaking away from the mainland and I’m crying out to rejoin the group, but they’re not listening. I try one last time, in desperation, to grab the shoulder of a friend, but she glances at me with her cool grey eyes and shrugs nonchalantly, shaking me off, running back into the group to rejoin her friends.
I imagine it’s all a dream, but it’s not.